She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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