We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
