Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
