I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
