Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
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