Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
