So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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