Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
