The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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