I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
