i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
