god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
