Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
