ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
