He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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