if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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