Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
