I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
