is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
