i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
