One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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