There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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