well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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