i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
