Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
