We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
