I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
