is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
