I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
