Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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