Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
