I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
