Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
