birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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