dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
