Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My balls are so social today.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
