D3 body, D1 cock
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
whose ass print is on the piano?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize