1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
