C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
