He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
