I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
