I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
