fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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