i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
