i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
