I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
