Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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