DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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