did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
