Pappa wants mamma naked
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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