y did u give ur computer a hand job?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
