If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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