i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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