dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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