I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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