She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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