Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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