I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize