Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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