actually, I'm a sock model
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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