Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
