does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
