I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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