Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
