I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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