Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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