So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
