My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
