I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
