I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
