It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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