We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
