4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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