I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
