This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
