She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
