why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
