i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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