Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
We got so high we made milksteak
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
