sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
